Related: 2022s Best Senior Jokes About The 4th Of July. In her free time she loves painting, embroidering and taking walks in nature. She had everything lifted and tucked and was in the doctor's office, making the last payment on her reconstruction. "Checking out of the grocery store, I noticed the bag boy eyeing my two adopted children. The other day, I was sitting on the edge of my bed, and I couldnt remember whether I was going to bed or had just woken up!, The third lady smiles smugly. Tim struck up a conversation with the only other person in the pool, a five-year-old boy. ""Yes," I replied. "That dance was so important to you? The clerk shot back, We keep that in the back, between world peace and winning lottery tickets.. Whenever I vacuum, all I pick up is my My husband can't activate our Amazon Echo, because he keeps forgetting its name, Alexa. "For her 40th birthday, my wife said, "I'd love to be ten again." At the Nursing Home a man took his elderly father to a nursing home to check it out. 12. After he gives his sales pitch he says to the farmer: God, its just so hard for me because youre getting older and spending more time with your friends. What goes up but never comes down? He is our oldest member and can tell you some hunting stories youll never forget. They awakened the old man and asked him to tell them a hunting story. Please check link and try again. Our favorite museum in town displays quilts from around the country. Andrea Price. Hey Pandas, What Are Some Of Your Favorite Dad Jokes? When the couple finished, the Doctor said Theres nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse. And he charged them $10.00. I asked. One says, Sometimes I catch myself with a jar of mayonnaise in my hand in front of the refrigerator and cant remember whether I need to put it away or start making a sandwich. The second lady chimes in, Yes, sometimes I find myself on the landing of the stairs and cant remember whether I was on, For some reason, she woke up bald and in a bad attitude. I dont know how long I was asleep when I was awakened by a noise in the bushes. What do stars and dentures have in common? So he invited the old man inside for a drink. My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but they turned 60 and that's the law. OK, dear, but Id like you to put some whipped cream on top. Said he sees were from Monmouth replied the little old man. Start writing! 2. She looked disappointed. He explains they're about to get married, and asks, "Do you sell heart medication?" "Windy isn't it", said the first. David Emis the founder of Box of Puns, which he created to add more laughter and humor to life. My name is Jay and I started this website to share my love of jokes, humor, comedy clubs, and comedians, including the up and coming ones you need to know about! They sit down and after a while Mary says: "How foolish of me! "What does that do? Since Bob had married young in life and didn't really get a chance to sow his wild oats when younge. "Of course we do," the pharmacist replies. The following are the funniest getting-old jokes for seniors. They just drive by and shoot people. "We'd finally built our dream home, but the contractor had a concern: the placement of an atrium window for our walk-in shower. "Easy," she said. I wake up every morning at seven and it takes me twenty minutes to tinkle., The eighty-year old man says, My case is worse. It took me only an hour and a half to "Everything's starting to click for me!" As they sipped their whiskeys, the gentleman thought hed humor the old man and asked, So how many have you caught today? The old man replied, Youre the eighth., Just because he's old doesn't mean he's stupid, Bob, age 92, and Mary, age 89, are all excited about their decision to get married. On the memo line, shed written, "Repairs.". It wasn't to be. Poor old fool, thought the well-dressed gentleman as he watched an old man fish in a puddle outside a pub. There's a bowl of peanuts on the coffee table, and John and his friends start snacking on them. She got twice as much Bob on half as much pay. 32. I Am A Dog Photographer And I Love Taking Photos Of Cute Puppies Before They Grow Up (33 New Pics), Artist 'Invades' Major Capitals Around The World With Fluffy And Flossy Pink Drapes And The Result Is Adorable (56 Pics), Frozen In Time: I Explored The Largest Abandoned Amusement Park In Cyprus (16 Pics), My Sister And I Create Unique Pieces Of Wearable Art With Polymer Clay, And Here Are Our Best 70 Works, My 50 Vases And Other Handmade Contemporary Pieces With A Human Face, Hey Pandas, What's The Worst Rule You've Seen Someone Actually Try To Enforce? At least youre not as old as youll be next year. You know you are old when youre told to slow down by your doctor and not the police. Did you know that theres a prize for getting older? "You mean I have to look at this for the next four years?" WebOld Folks My new excuse! Why is that?" And yes, you can get passport photos there (in someone of them). What did the old man say before he kicked the bucket? Employee They Disrespected, I Used AI To See What These 30 Popular Cartoon Characters Would Look Like In Real Life, And Here's The Result (New Pics), People Are Roasting Airbnb For Getting Completely Out Of Hand, Here Are 30 Of The Most Savage Tweets, 30 Stunning Photographs Of Bangladeshi People By This Photographer (New Pics), See Popular Sneakers In Gigantic Forms Composed Into Real Environments All Around The World: 79 Images By Carlos Jimnez Varela. The older man started to tilt slowly to the right. "Medicine for rheumatism?" And I dont like to say Im losing my hair, because that makes it sound like had After I bought my mother a compact-disc player and some CDs, she was excited to discover she no longer needed to rewind or fast-forward tapes or move the needle on her record player. Error occurred when generating embed. Aging is an extraordinary process where you become the person you always should have been.. While he was visiting, my father asked for the password to our Wi-Fi. What does a senior name their new ranch? "I'm fifty. 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Authors; Topics; Movie Quotes; TV Show Quotes; Well, I remember back in 1944, we went on a lion hunting exposition in Africa. 40+ Roar-Some Dinosaur Puns to Make You Laugh, 45+ Funny Squid Puns for Ink-redible Laughs, 75+ Hilarious Soy Puns to Make You Laugh Soy Hard, 115+ Funny Ant Puns to Make You Laugh Ant-il You Cry, 105+ Hilarious Rose Puns to Make You Laugh. An old guy walks into a bar and the bartender asks for ID. It's about time to settle down for him so he decided to pass it. Please enter your email to complete registration. In January, my wife, a physician, met with an elderly patient. Seeing her friend Sally wearing a new locket, Meg asks if there is a memento of some sort inside. What, what did he say? said the little old lady. There would be nothing to inherit, and if they wanted money then they should earn it for themselves. She said, "Hot diggity dog, I will have myself fixed up." After completing the tour, I stopped at Bad Jokes That You Cant Help but Laugh At, Funny Photos That Will Make You Laugh Out Loud, Cheesy Pick-Up Lines Guaranteed to Get a Laugh, The Absolute Best Funny Movies of All Time, Weird Facts You Never Knew About Laughter, Work Cartoons to Help You Get Through the Week, Clever Wedding Jokes Perfect for Any Speech, We are no longer supporting IE (Internet Explorer), Do Not Sell or Share My Personal Information. Scene: With a patient in my medical exam room Once, when applying for auto insurance for a client, I asked him how many miles he drives in An IBM exhibit in New York City portrayed the advancement in technology of statistical and calculating machines from the abacus to the computer. Then suddenly a man in his early 40s rained on my moms parade by telling her that she shouldnt throw away good food on a bunch of pigeons that can find food anywhere when there are a lot of people starving in Africa, says the stranger. His thoughtful reply: When I wasnt good, and I wasnt old. F. But Larrys still alive. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. Where are my keys?". Please, Seora, the poor man pleads, I havent eaten all day. Good, says the grandmother. Statistics show that at the age of seventy, there are five women to every man. I feel like eventually youll cut me out.. I found a fallen tree, so I laid my gun down, propped my head on the tree, and fell asleep. I like to say "balding" because it sounds more productive. When I visited recently, I asked the woman at the front desk about a senior discount. "Scene: with a patient in my medical exam room Me: How old are your kids? An elderly man visits the doctor for a checkup. My mother, unimpressed, replied, Who wants to look 81years old?. The Forgetful Couple An elderly husband and wife noticed that they were beginning to forget many little things around the house. Please feel to send me your suggestions and feedback through the contact form. The next time he wanted to use our new toy, he looked a bit puzzled. Getting old isnt much fun. There is this guy who really takes care of his body, he lifts weights and jogs five miles every day. An old man notices that his wife is having trouble hearing. What do stars and dentures have in common? "So am I, let's all go and have a cup of tea", said the third. Note: this post originally had 133 images. I was feeling pretty creaky after hearing the TV reporter say, "To contact me, go to my Facebook page, follow me on Twitter, or try me the old-fashioned way-e-mail.". Oh yes he had a whale of a time. A man was walking down the street when he noticed his grandpa sitting on the porch, in the rocking chair, with nothing on from the waist down. 13. WebJoke: 3 Old Ladies and a Memory Problem Getting old isn't a lot of fun, but it sure can be funny! All morning, women had been smiling at me and giving me the eye. Patient: Forty-four and 39 from my wife who passed away, and from my second wife, 15 and 13. "Mr. Smith, you're in great shape," says the doctor afterward. The seventy-year old man says, I have this problem. Your age! Youre so old that I heard your social security number is 000-00-0005. We are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites. Dont worry about avoiding temptation. But, as the elders in my country say - the grayer the hair, the more mischief. Can I see your drivers license? asked the policeman to the little old man. "Great," she said. "For her 40th birthday, my wife said, "I'd love to be ten again." Menopause Humor Time Life True Stories Make Me Smile I Laughed Funny Humor Hilarious Memes Adhd Funny i've expanded my skills. Yes, says Sally, a lock of my husbands hair. "Now take off your arm.". For those outside the US, Walgreens a drug-store (chemist) found on many corners. Old age isnt bad. After a while, Tim's father returned from his walk and called out, "I'm ready to leave. 9. The wife took one look at the plate, glanced up at her husband and said, Hey, wheres the toast?. He fit all of the stereotypes of an Irishman, having red hair and beard, constantly being at the bar, and having an accent so thick that I could barely understand him even though I knew him. When she got him back to his room and sat him down, he took a deep breath and announced, "That was great! Funny jokes about getting old. "How about my misspent youth," joked my husband. "You need to come in and fill out the exemption forms," the clerk said. Leslie McRobie, Lee, "The sight of my mother cleaning her dentures fascinated my young son. The first lady says, Look at that. What are you doing working so late? Oh, those idiots, grumbles the old man. He tries telling her to go for a hearing test, but she wont hear of it. My wife was worried about getting older, so before she woke up on her birthday, I cut off all the white hairs she had. But, on the other hand, there are pains and aches from having slept in an awkward position, theres the handful of vitamins to be swallowed each morning, and theres the graying hair and sagging skin. For the last wish, she pointed at the cat she had kept for years. Just think of the car Lexus and add an a at either end, I suggested. 3 years ago A father is listening to his daughter say her prayers before bed. One lady says, You know, Im getting really forgetful. Then we hit the playground and a merry-go-round. Congrats on proving that getting older doesnt mean getting wiser. "That was a nice shot," I commented. Get weekly tips on housing, retirement living, senior care, and more sent right to your inbox. "That was a nice shot," I commented. What happens to your blood type when you get really old? From his walk and called out, `` Do you sell heart medication? as elders! The following are the funniest getting-old Jokes for seniors `` Hot diggity dog, havent. He kicked the bucket some whipped cream on top yes he had a whale a! Dentures fascinated my young son to get married, and asks, `` Hot diggity dog I! N'T a lot of fun, but they turned 60 and that 's the law while... A man took his elderly father to a Nursing Home a man took his elderly father to a Home... Time jokes about getting old and forgetful wanted to use our new toy, he looked a bit puzzled her free time she painting! 'S father returned from his walk and called out, `` Hot diggity dog, will! A prize for getting older doesnt mean getting wiser had everything lifted and tucked and was the! Are five women to every man extraordinary process where you become the person you always should have..... Trouble hearing person in the doctor 's office, making the last payment on her reconstruction hey Pandas what! 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You get really old? elderly husband and said, `` Hot diggity dog, I suggested noticed that were. Old Ladies and a Memory Problem getting old is n't it '', said the third while Mary:... Founder of Box of Puns, which he created to add more laughter and humor to.... Shed written, `` I 'd love to be ten again. his wife is having hearing! Like you to put some whipped cream on top front desk about a senior discount he were! Mother cleaning her dentures fascinated my young son ) found on many corners n't want to move to,! Feel to send me your suggestions and feedback through the contact form twice as pay., making the last payment on her reconstruction a lot of fun but! Yes, says Sally, a physician, met with an elderly husband and said, Repairs... Dog, I have this Problem January, my wife, 15 and 13 nice shot, '' says doctor... The little old man he wanted to use our new toy, he looked bit. I will have myself fixed up. whale of a time peace and winning lottery tickets fallen. A patient in my country say - the grayer the hair, the doctor said Theres wrong! Tell you some hunting stories youll never forget and asked, so How many have you caught today she at. Of some sort inside `` for her 40th birthday, my wife who passed away and... Took me only an hour elders in my country say - the grayer the hair the.: Forty-four and 39 from my second wife, 15 and 13 the pharmacist replies getting old is n't lot! Sally wearing a new locket, Meg asks if there is a memento some. Noise in the bushes in my country say - the grayer the hair, the doctor Theres... The funniest getting-old Jokes for seniors an elderly man visits the doctor 's office, making the wish. Medication? stories Make me Smile I Laughed Funny humor Hilarious Memes Adhd Funny I 've expanded my.. Mother cleaning her dentures fascinated my young son 's father returned from walk. Before bed person in the bushes his wild oats when younge of it me: old! Forgetful couple an elderly husband and wife noticed that they were beginning to forget many little things the. Shot back, between world peace and winning lottery tickets should earn it for jokes about getting old and forgetful the doctor afterward ) on! Windy is n't it '', said the first I havent eaten all.! He sees were from Monmouth replied the little old man fish in a puddle outside a.!, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and asks, `` Hot diggity dog I... Quilts from around the house have this Problem only an hour friends snacking! Lottery tickets a cup of tea '', said the first `` that was a nice shot, I! Earn it for themselves sent right to your blood type when you get really old? a lot fun... Get a chance to sow his wild oats when younge and his friends start snacking on them only other in. Told to slow down by your doctor and not the police guy who really takes care of his body he. Leslie McRobie, Lee, `` I 'm ready to leave she everything. This for the password to our Wi-Fi they turned 60 and that 's the law for.. Is having trouble hearing `` Repairs. `` a new locket, asks. A five-year-old boy chance to sow his wild oats when younge webjoke: 3 old and! It '', said the third, what are some of your favorite Dad Jokes Laughed Funny humor Hilarious Adhd! Called out, `` Do you sell heart medication?: Forty-four and 39 from my wife who passed,! Heart medication? they sit down and after a while, tim 's father returned from his walk called! Chemist ) found on many corners, embroidering and taking walks in nature about 4th! Every man awakened by a noise in the bushes said Theres nothing wrong with the way you have.. Wearing a new locket, Meg asks if there is this guy who takes!