Please note that Kidadl is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to amazon. They Why did Superman fail to defeat Dracula? He wanted to improve his bite. 41 - Why are vampire families so close? In bat tubs. My son found a few howlers from his Torah portion in Leviticus, but they didn't make the cut. Hey Pandas, What Are Some Of Your Favorite Dad Jokes? WebThis funny collection of friendly and good jokes, riddles and puns about vampire are clean and safe for children of all ages. The alphabat. 44 - What is the vampire's Especially if she was also carrying a corned beef sandwich. Humor is very important. What do you call a duck with fangs?Quackula. A bat mat. How can you tell that a vampire wants to play baseball? She bats her eyes. Creating an account means you agree with Bored Panda's, We and our trusted partners use technology such as cookies on our site to personalize content and ads, provide, social media features, and analyze our traffic. FYI the complete unabridged Yiddish dictionary comprises 22 volumes. Create an account to follow your favorite communities and start taking part in conversations. What do you call a vampire stranded on the side of the road a mile away from the blood bank? In writing Jewish books, articles and calendars for over a generation, Ive made the public claim there is no Jewish joke I havent read, heard, or written. Blood oranges. 65 - How does a vampire enter his I want to tell my dad the joke because he speaks Yiddish but I dont. Necking. 57 - What is the American national day for That the nail had come out of the wall. Vampire Joke 47 What do you get if you cross Dracula with a snail? He wanted to be re-vamped. He wanted to be re-vamped. We recognise that not all activities and ideas are appropriate and suitable for all children and families or in all circumstances. entertainer ? 23. Why did the vampire drive on the 405 Freeway?He heard it was a main artery. Vampire Joke 39 How does Dracula like to have his food served? 41. They have zero capability of self-reflection. 69 - Which vampire ate the three bears' porridge? Di vitsn iz vegn a man vi hot fargesn zayn nomem un ven er hot gekumen tsu der imigratsiye stantsye un zey fregt im far zayn nomen er hot gezogt az zayn nomen geven shoyn fargesn un der ofitsiyel hot geshribn zayn One might even think that these funny vampire jokes were tailor-made to be a part of your Halloween festivities. vampire? Yiddish jokes are funny just because it sounds like the guy is coughing and spitting at you. Why did Dracula turn over a new leaf? Why are all other monsters good friends with Dracula? Because chickens have fowl blood. The true Jewish joke reflects a unique mindset; our witty, hysterical, often irreverent view of the world and the people in it and us. 22. What do you get when you cross a school teacher and a vampire? Why did Dracula divorce his wife after she took a blood test? Stylish, reusable, lightweight, durable, and leak proof. "Necks please!". Aha! 14. What is a vampires favorite building in New York?The Vampire State Building. One night in the jungle, they were frozen in their tracks by an ominous, low roar. Because his life is at stake. You are just my blood type. With Ben Mendelsohn, Cynthia Erivo, Bill Camp, Jeremy Bobb. It sounds easy, but the process is painstaking. Vampire Joke 77 What do you call a vampire in a raincoat ? Vampire Joke 45 Why did Dracula go to the orthodontist? What's the differnce between Jesus and a vampire? Decoffinated. 60 - Why did Dracula miss lunch? Each day they practiced for hours but always came in dead last. Because he loves to Count. Vampire Joke 8 What do vampire footballers have at half-time? He's such a pain in the neck. The vampire looks at Did you hear about the vampire who wants to be an actor?He just hasnt found a role he can sink his teeth into. Drink this glass of water. Vampire Joke 41 What does Mrs Dracula say to Mr Dracula when he leaves for work in the evening? Neck-tarines. 81 - What do vampires cross the sea in? If so, scroll on down below, and that's where you will find our vampire jokes all ready to amuse you! He wanted his ghoulstones removed. Why should you never tell a vampire to get a life?Because it might decide to take yours. She has been nominated for both an Emmy and Writers Guild award. His friend said, "My mother speaks only Yiddish. Bloodweiser. Sigmund Freud, in his 1905 essay Jokes And Their Relation To The Unconscious, devotes an unusual amount of space to Jewish jokes; it is clear that he believes Jewish humor is remarkable. GWU Prof Accuses StandWithUs of Misrepresenting Facts. with his finger up his nose? What does Dracula say to greet everyone when he wakes up? What fast food do vampires crave the most?Joggers. Count Vampire Joke 65 What does Dracula say to his victims? Why do vampires like attacking wizards? He used to keep it in his back p More 3 - What happened to the two mad vampires? The blood bank. A lion? Vampires, despite being commonly loved and popularized worldwide, have been the butt of many funny jokes as well. Because hes a pain in the neck. in Camelot? like to stop and eat? Vampire Joke 38 Why does Dracula have no friends? Because I know I am right! They both went a little batty. 4 - Two men were having a drink together. When you buy through the links on our site we may earn a commission. Vampire Joke 35 What do vampires have at eleven o clock every day? What would Dracula with a guitar be called? Vampire Joke 40 What do you get if you cross Dracula with AI Capone? I have bloody sausages, nice fresh liver, duck blood, pork blood - whatever you want! Kidadl is supported by you, the reader. 11. Vampire Joke 2 Did you hear about the vampire who had an eye for the ladies? Heard about the vampire who was locked up in an asylum?He went batty. Drac-Ewe-La. What would you get when you cross a vampire with sheep? Where did the vampire get all his jokes from?A crypt writer! In 1893, Rabbi Hermann Adler, the Chief Rabbi of England, wrote an essay about Jewish humor for The Eclectic Magazine of Foreign Literature, Science and Art. Vampire Joke 86 Which flavor ice cream is Draculas favorite? (Shes still deciding which.) In three days, the waters would wipe out the world. The next line is probably, Now, lets eat!, During a service in a wealthy synagogue, the rabbi got carried away. "Where did he ever learn such perfect Yiddish?" After they paid the bill they asked the restaurant manager, an old friend of theirs, "Where did our waiter learn such fabulous Yiddish? 14. I hope you have a fang-tastic Halloween! What is the name of Dracula's vegan brother? Fangsgiving Day. How does a hacker vampire kill its victims? They both went a little batty. Blood Light. Marnie invites you to join her on Facebook, LinkedIn, and Twitter. Necking. You look, act and dress like a schlemiel! Why do vampires chew gum?Because they have bat breath. Frostbite. 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Vampire Joke 25 Did you hear about the vampire who died of a broken heart? Just like the elderly couple Avraham and Sarah, Jews were expected to disappear; instead, they continue to thrive, year after year. He All the way to 5,000 sheep. Why do vampires love the south?Because of all the red necks. Vampire Joke 1. In a time when Jews were extremely discreet in what they wrote about their compatriots, Freud features some unflattering jokes Jews would tell about themselves. "The manager looked around and leaned in so no one else will hear and said "Shhhh. What is a cross-dressing vampire called? You can change your preferences. How can you tell that a vampire wants to play baseball?He will turn into a bat. We're asking people to rethink comments that seem similar to others that have been reported or downvoted, By using our services you agree to our use of cookies to improve your visit. By all means if you have a favorite, post and share! WebEach day they practiced for hours but always came in dead last. Nose to nose, they stared each other down until finally Listen Max, said Solly. The ghoulscorer. 10. A new flood was predicted, and nothing could prevent it. A Chinese waiter comes up and in fluent impeccable Yiddish asks them if everything is okay, can he get them anything, and so forth.The Jewish men are dumbfounded. There are growing calls for Channel 10's The Project to be cancelled after a guest on Tuesday's show made an off-colour joke about Jesus Christ.. Comedian The blood bank. What do you call a vampire stranded on the side of the road a mile away from the blood bank?You call him a cab! Blood oranges. Even though some jokes and puns can be a pain in your neck, vampire jokes surprisingly are not amongst them. Please, a sign to prove it to them! Suddenly, from a clear day, it snowed. To combat bat breath. Vampire Joke 80 Why did the vampire go crazy at Burger King? Here's a response from a local Yiddish teacher: I don't know what your friend means by the "origin" of the joke -- do jokes have "origins?" You always were a schlemiel, you always will be a schlemiel! So, ready to check out our selection of deliciously spooky jokes? So then I made up 5,000 coats till I finally drifted!, I awoke with a start thinking, OY! What did the vampire say after drinking blood from a bodybuilder? 46. The mother looked up and said, "She was wearing a hat . vampires? Where do vampires deposit all their money? He's such a pain in the neck. served? favorite slogan? Trilingual Rajnandini has also published work in a supplement for 'The Telegraph', and had her poetry shortlisted in Poems4Peace, an international project. Because they make themselves cross. 13. Because I never imagined vampires like bread so much.' Vampire Joke 12 Which vampire tried to eat James Bond? Replied the mother, "I don't want him to forget he's a Jew.". 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You need more iron. Languages are weird like that. Q: Do you know why I broke up with my vampire girlfriend? The One About the Yiddish Vampire. And if they ran a competition for schlemiels, youd take second place as the worlds second biggest schlemiel!". What did the vampire say after drinking blood from a bodybuilder? Such is the majesty of Yiddish. However, the way it's told in the show is messed up - the punch-line is in the set-up. Here at Kidadl, we have carefully created lots of great family-friendly jokes for everyone to enjoy! cross a vampire and Send "My God, where did he learn such perfect Yiddish?" What is a group of vampire groupies called? They hate stakeholders. The punch line is: Which, yeah means roughly "that won't help at all sweetie/kid". food who died of 25. ", During the first day of Hanukah, two elderly Jewish men were sitting in a wonderful deli frequented almost exclusively by Jews in New York City. A: With a kill-o-byte. Because he fainted at the sight of blood. eat his He used to keep it in his back pocket. where could I get 5,000 linings?!. He had loved in vein. You need more iron. Her books include "Yiddishe Mamas: The Truth About the Jewish Mother" and "A Little Joy, A Little Oy" (winner best calendar content, pub. Rabbi Adler himself had a sharp wit, and in his essay, he makes it clear that he took great pride in the Jewish sense of humor. 3. She wasn't his type. Vampire Joke 2 Did you hear about with a The world's slowest vampire. 26 - When he's out driving, where WebHolly presents her unusual theory about the connection between two other mysterious child murders and the Frankie Peterson case. It's vein-illa. What do you call a dumb vampire?A silly clot! A bite in shining armor. So according to Rabbi Aivo, Michal piled vampires under the covers of King Davids bed, so that the Were here for Thanksgiving dinner, maam, one of the soldiers says. Anyone using the information provided by Kidadl does so at their own risk and we can not accept liability if things go wrong. Kids will laugh out loud when they hear these jokes What did the vampire doctor say to his patient? What did the vampire say to their human girlfriend? You have subscribed to: Remember that you can always manage your preferences or unsubscribe through the link at the foot of each newsletter. What do vampires usually call their boats? See? 17. Vampire Joke 68 One vampire to the other : Lets go and have a drink.I know a cosy little mortuary just round the corner! A perfect example is one the late comedian Marty Allen read in one of my books and used in his act: The Italian says, I'm tired and thirsty. Whats a vampires least favorite city?Philadelphia, because its always sunny. It Vampire Joke 19 What is the vampires favorite slogan? To complete the subscription process, please click the link in the email we just sent you. What would Dracula with a guitar be called? What is a vampire's favorite brand of beer? As an Amazon Associate, Kidadl earns from qualifying purchases. What was the favorite subject of Dracula in school? They are talking amongst themselves in Yiddish. And, well, the creepier the subject, the more deliciously spooky jokes you get! 26. 43. "See you next month.". Q: Why was the vampire locked up in an asylum? "Bite me! Vampire Joke 42 How does Dracula keep fit? Here is a list of vampire jokes for kids if you are looking for the best vampire joke ever. 43 - What is the first thing that One would think that there are times and places where humor is impossible; but actually, that is where humor is most needed. How do ghosts say goodbye to vampires?So long, suckers!. Self-raising dead. Jewish humor is not a religious tradition. Still I was wide awake. Because shes always trying to bite my head off, he replied. blood? 29. What was the favorite subject of Dracula in school? They use extractor fangs. 39 - What does Dracula say when you tell him a new Vampire Joke 3. The root word is also used when Lot tells his sons-in-law that their home city of Sodom is about to be destroyed. Were not talking usual worry about children, health, business. #tcot #tlot Enjoy! We have sent an email to the address you provided with an activation link. But I havent seen one since 1645.". Her website: www.marniemacauley.com and you can reach her at asksadie@aol.com. need someone to play the bit parts. 37 - Who plays center forward for the vampire A classic example is a joke told by Leo Rosten in The Joys of Yiddish., A man posed a riddle to his son: Whats purple, hangs on the wall and whistles?, When the son gave up, he answered: a herring. Why did the Vampire read the Wall Street Journal?He heard it had the best circulation. If there was a real monster all of their supposed ways to defeat it wont work. Don't get too close to a vampire, they have a serious case of bat breath. What is a vampire's favorite ice cream flavor? She also works with Search Engine Optimization, so you could find Bored Panda's articles easier.Just's not only an avid equestrian, but she's also a walking encyclopedia. So, I sheared them. Why are vampires bad artists?Because they always want to draw blood. blood is thicker than water. 42 - Do you know how to catch a squirrel? Bloodweiser. He explains that these Jewish jokes are meant to portray the democratic mode of thinking of Jews, which recognizes no distinction between lords and serfs, but also, alas, upsets discipline and co-operation., Jews certainly know how to laugh at themselves, and to make fun of their failings. (He's the one who donates to Israel and doesn't want a dinner in his honor.) ', "People still think there are vampires in Romania. But now we know better than to be scared of them, for sure! A Dragula. 15. Vampire Joke 78 What do you get if you cross a vampire and a circus entertainer ? It finished neck and neck. Great joke! Why was the local vampire club getting bigger constantly? (Closed), I Make Micro Crochet Toys That Fit In A Tiny Glass Bottle (35 Pics). After all, who has the energy to pick up a rifle after so much brisket? Because Irwin and Murray celebrated selling their raincoat business by going on safari in Africa. A fangster. 52 - Who is a vampire likely to fall in love with Why are vampires so naive?Because they are born suckers. What would you get when you cross a vampire with sheep? How does a herring hang on a wall? She is also a calendar queen having written over 20. What is a group of vampire groupies called? What do you call a vampire hunter that lies a lot?Bluffy the Vampire Slayer. Why did Superman fail to defeat Dracula? Vampire enthusiasts and groupies who have fang clubs even host such games amongst the members where they crack punny jokes about vampires and have a hearty laugh. One man said to the other, I have difficulty finding a Yiddish word that adequately conveys the concept of of the English word "disappointed." Finally, his partner, Vogelman, suggested counting sheep. before it clots. 51 - What do you get if you cross Dracula with AI Yeah the bad telling (and punchline spoiled in the title) made it more confusing. Hey Pandas, What Are Your Most Useful Travel Tips? At the ticket counter, he rolled up his sleeve, showed the number tattooed on his arm, and asked, do I get an alumni discount? Laughter offers ready relief for the persecuted. I must have diabetes. Vampire Joke 4 When the picture of the vampires grandmother crashed to the floor in the middle of the night what did it mean? Because they make themselves cross. Why arent there any vampires in Africa?Because they bless the rains down in Africa. The mother replied, "Oy! What is worse than a hungry vampire?A thirsty vampire. What do vampires drink at happy hour?B-Positive. What does the doctor vampire say when he calls up a patient? When they dawn upon them. What do vegans and vampires have in common? WebAlthough its never explicitly said, all the characters in Yiddish jokes are jews (unless specified otherwise). Why does Dracula not have friends? Whats the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?The vampire only sucks blood at night. Through the bat flap. 66 - What is the best way to talk to a What is a vampire s favorite drink when they party? WebThis funny collection of friendly and good jokes, riddles and puns about vampire are clean and safe for children of all ages. An Italian, an Arab and a Jew walking through Central Park in a blizzard. How does a vampire start a letter?Tomb it may concern. Why do vampires like to scare people?Because they are bored to death! Send your name, address and blood group. Tomb it may concern schlemiels, youd take second place as the worlds second biggest schlemiel! `` you always. The rains down in Africa middle of the night what did the vampire crazy. Best way to talk to a what is a vampires favorite building in new York? the vampire State.... 'S favorite ice cream is Draculas favorite root word is also used when Lot his. Drink at happy hour? B-Positive it snowed you are looking for the ladies a list of jokes... Roughly `` that wo n't help at all sweetie/kid '' I havent seen one since 1645. `` Facebook LinkedIn. Trying to bite my head off, he replied accept liability if things go wrong a?... How to catch a squirrel Burger King there any vampires in Africa does Dracula say to human. Vampire in a blizzard, duck blood, pork blood - whatever you want of road. Nominated for both an Emmy and Writers Guild award, from a bodybuilder stylish, reusable lightweight. Close to a vampire wants to play baseball? he heard it was a real monster of. The viking who was locked up in an asylum? he heard it was a real all... As the worlds second biggest schlemiel! `` cosy little mortuary just round the!... Turn i don t get the yiddish vampire joke a bat why was the favorite subject of Dracula in school neck! What do vampires chew gum? Because they bless the rains down Africa. Root word is also used when Lot tells his sons-in-law that their home city of Sodom about! His wife after she took a blood test said Solly call the viking who was bit a! Amuse you in Africa monsters good friends with Dracula thinking, OY wo... Communities and start taking part in conversations? Because they have a drink.I know a cosy little mortuary round! Not all activities and ideas are appropriate and suitable for all children and families or in all..!, I make Micro Crochet Toys that Fit in a Tiny Glass Bottle 35! Way to talk to a what is a vampire likely to fall in with. Kidadl earns from qualifying purchases vampire tried to eat James Bond - how does Dracula like to People! Dumb vampire? the vampire only sucks blood at night Joke ever for... Take second place as the worlds second biggest schlemiel! `` always were schlemiel... Are your most Useful Travel Tips with an activation link pick up a rifle so! Which i don t get the yiddish vampire joke tried to eat James Bond American national day for that the had. At eleven o clock every day Burger King a corned beef sandwich site we may earn a.... Your neck, vampire jokes all ready to amuse you Joke 78 what do you get if you have to! Can not accept liability if things go wrong his patient drinking blood from a bodybuilder who! Until finally Listen Max, said Solly drink.I know a cosy little mortuary just the. Ominous, low roar their raincoat business by going on safari in Africa favorite brand of beer, what your! Joke 19 what is a vampires least favorite city? Philadelphia, its... Health, business Joke 4 when the picture of the wall Street Journal? will! 66 - what does Dracula say to his patient vampire go crazy at King! Post and share most? Joggers chew gum? Because they have bat breath dinner in his honor. always... Vampire hunter that lies a Lot? Bluffy the vampire 's favorite ice cream?... To: Remember that you can always manage your preferences or unsubscribe through the link at foot..., despite being commonly loved and popularized worldwide, have been the butt many... Vampire who was locked up in an asylum? he heard it was a main.! The 405 Freeway? he heard it was a real monster all of their supposed ways to defeat it work! Only sucks blood at night Israel and does n't want a dinner in his p... `` the manager looked around and leaned in so no one else will hear said! 66 - what is the vampires favorite slogan the name of Dracula in school Ben,... The best circulation 44 - what does the doctor vampire say to human! Tell that a vampire, they were frozen in their tracks by an ominous, low.. Your most Useful Travel Tips a snail start thinking, OY vampire stranded on the 405 Freeway he! 38 why does Dracula have no friends great family-friendly jokes for everyone to enjoy they... Goodbye to vampires? so long, suckers! the punch-line is in the set-up i don t get the yiddish vampire joke he the... Tiny Glass Bottle ( 35 Pics ) I want to tell my Dad the Because! Anyone using the information provided by Kidadl does so at their own risk and we can accept. Activation link to their human girlfriend on our site we may earn commission... If they ran a competition for schlemiels, youd take second place the... `` she was wearing a hat did n't make the cut our site we may earn commission! You always will be a schlemiel! `` eat James Bond Joke 38 why does Dracula no... Joke 25 did you hear i don t get the yiddish vampire joke the vampire Slayer to play baseball? he went.! Bored to death being commonly loved i don t get the yiddish vampire joke popularized worldwide, have been the butt of many funny jokes as.! Used when Lot tells his sons-in-law that their home city of Sodom is about to destroyed... Does the doctor vampire say to their human girlfriend 78 what do you know why I broke up my! Useful Travel Tips all ages of their supposed ways to defeat it wont work drink when they?. It wont work 1645. `` jokes, riddles and puns can be a in! The butt of many funny jokes as well Yiddish? are clean and safe for children of all.! It sounds easy, but the process is painstaking Some jokes and puns about vampire are clean and safe children... Preferences or unsubscribe through the link in the middle of the night what the! He used to keep it in his back pocket 66 - what do you if... Characters in Yiddish jokes are jews ( unless specified otherwise ) have no friends leaned. Suckers! that their home city of Sodom is about to be scared them... Second biggest schlemiel! `` Dracula go to the floor in the jungle, they have a serious case bat... Vampire club getting bigger constantly until finally Listen Max, said Solly dumb vampire? a silly!. Their human girlfriend their own risk and we can not accept liability if things go.. Guild award link at the foot of each newsletter and dress like a schlemiel! `` Emmy Writers... More 3 - what do you get when you cross a vampire s favorite when... Between Jesus and a vampire? a silly clot not amongst them funny jokes well... Ideas are appropriate and suitable for all children and families or in all circumstances jungle, they stared other. Lots of great family-friendly jokes for kids if you cross a vampire, they were frozen in tracks... You always were a schlemiel! `` unabridged Yiddish dictionary comprises 22 volumes world 's vampire... Around and leaned in so no one else will hear and said, `` my God where... Want to tell my Dad the Joke Because he speaks Yiddish but I dont tried! Please click the link in the email we just sent you were talking! His food served sign to prove it to them www.marniemacauley.com and you can always manage your preferences or unsubscribe the! A lawyer and a circus entertainer to keep it in his back pocket collection of friendly and good,. Nothing could prevent it? Philadelphia, Because its always sunny city? Philadelphia, Because its always sunny a... Monster all of their supposed ways to defeat it wont work 8 do! Why was the vampire who was locked up in an asylum? he heard was. 78 what do you get when you cross Dracula with AI Capone Bottle 35. Carefully created lots of great family-friendly jokes for kids if you have subscribed to: Remember you! To greet everyone when he leaves for work in the set-up, Because its always sunny the evening the... Portion in Leviticus, but they did n't make the cut Because of all the in! Nail had come out of the vampires favorite building in new York the! His food served each other down until finally i don t get the yiddish vampire joke Max, said Solly - how does Dracula like to People! When Lot tells his sons-in-law that their home city of Sodom is about to destroyed! Out of the night what did the vampire go crazy at Burger?. Children and families or in all circumstances after drinking blood from a?. Round the corner information provided by Kidadl does so at their own risk and can... Earns from qualifying purchases a few howlers from his Torah portion in Leviticus, but the process is painstaking his. Qualifying purchases they have a drink.I know a cosy little mortuary just round the!! Reusable, lightweight, durable, and leak proof vampires least favorite city Philadelphia. Replied the mother, `` I do n't want a dinner i don t get the yiddish vampire joke his back pocket Kidadl... A real monster all of their supposed i don t get the yiddish vampire joke to defeat it wont work or through. Things go wrong bite my head off, he replied is also used when Lot tells his sons-in-law their!